What is sexual abuse?

Sexual abuse can take many forms. Some forms are very easily identified, while others are much more subtle and difficult to distinguish. All forms, however, can have extremely damaging, life-altering effects.

In the United States, one in four adult women, and one in six adult men, have been identified as a victim of abuse. It is estimated that every 68 seconds, an American is sexually assaulted.

It is important to understand the various forms of sexual abuse, as identifying abuse is the crucial first step to recovering from its effects.

Physical Sexual Abuse

This includes any unwelcome sexual contact. Often, it is marked by perpetrators using force, making threats, or taking advantage of victims who are not able to give consent. (American Psychological Association)

Some examples of physical sexual abuse (Janicek Law) can include:

• rape, which is unwanted penetration of the mouth, anus, or vagina with any body part or object.

• molestation, groping, and/or fondling.

• stealthing, which is when a sexual partner removes their condom during intercourse without the victim’s consent.

• engaging in any kind of sexual activity while the victim is under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

• overt incest, which is sexual activity that occurs between family members.

• forcing someone to perform sexual acts upon the perpetrator.

• taking, distributing, or showing sexually explicit content without the victim’s consent.

Visual Sexual Abuse

This type of sexual abuse happens when the offender obtains sexual pleasure at the expense of an unwilling party without engaging in physical contact.

This can include voyeurism—when the offender obtains sexual gratification from observing unsuspecting individuals who are partly undressed, naked, engaged in sexual acts, or in another compromising state. (Merriam-Webster)

It can also include exhibitionism—when the offender obtains sexual gratification from the indecent exposure of their own genitals. (Merriam-Webster) This might also involve the offender(s) performing sexual acts while non-consenting individuals are present.

Visual sexual abuse can also include unwanted or uninvited exposure of the victim to sexually explicit or pornographic imagery. Increasingly, this inappropriate exposure occurs via text, Snapchat, AirDrop, or other digital messaging platforms.

Covert Sexual Abuse

Covert sexual abuse if often more subtle. It can be more difficult for a victim to identify as it does not involve actual sexual contact. Instead, it can include emotional manipulation, unwanted sexual comments or conversations, early exposure to pornography or other sexual content, and body shaming.  (via Janicek Law)

Covert sexual abuse usually involves a child. The other party involved can be a parent, a doctor, a teacher, a clergy member, a Boy Scouts leader, or anyone in some position of power over the child. Over the last couple decades, covert sexual abuse and grooming has become a very common occurrence online, between children and adult strangers. (via Janicek Law)

Some examples of covert sexual abuse include:

• the offender calling the victim by sexually objectifying names.

• the offender belittling the victim in a sexual way.

• adults having sexual conversations with teens or children, asking them about their sexual/romantic life or providing too many details about their own sex life.

• adults confiding in children about their emotions or traumatic experiences, effectively putting the child in the role of a therapist, a close friend, or a romantic partner.

• parents insisting on bathing, wiping, or changing their child even though the child is at an age where they can do these things by themselves.

• parents forbidding their child to lock bathroom or bedroom doors, allowing others to walk in on them in private moments.

• parents neglecting to provide closed or locked doors, so the child may witness parents engaging in intimate sexual behavior.

Emotional Sexual Abuse

Emotional sexual abuse happens when a parent (or other authority figure) seeks the same level of emotional intimacy from their child that they would normally receive from a romantic partner. 

This happens when there is a severe lack of appropriate boundaries among family members, which results in malfunctioning family dynamics. This means that everyone is confused about what their specific roles and expectations are within the family dynamic. The child may feel more like a parental figure or a surrogate spouse than an actual child. The parent may feel like nothing more than a partner, spouse, or even a best friend—not like a parent. (via Janicek Law)

It is very common for one or both parents in a dysfunctional marriage to bond inappropriately with one of their children. The parent inappropriately uses the child to meet their emotional needs, making the child feel responsible for the emotional well-being of the parent. The relationship can easily become sexualized and romanticized.

In Healing the Shame That Binds You by John Bradshaw, Pia Mellody says, “When one parent has a relationship with the child that is more important than the relationship they have with their spouse, there is emotional sexual abuse.”

Some examples of emotional sexual abuse include:

• a parent ranting and confiding in their child about their marital problems, sex life, money problems, or work problems.

• a parent frequently telling their child something like: “You’re my whole world and my other half. All I need is you, I don’t need anyone else.”

• parents openly bashing each other in front of their children, and trying to get the child to be “on their side.”

• parents giving romantic or emotional gifts to their children, such as romantic cards with love notes or other objects with lots of emotional value.

• a parent doing everything with their child, making them feel like they cannot have a life without their parent for fear of “abandoning” them or hurting their feelings.

• a parent frequently crawling into bed with their child to hold them, cry to them, and/or confide in them like they would a romantic partner.

• parents frequently commenting on their child’s appearance in a sexual way, or making statements along the lines of: “Look how beautiful and curvy you are! Men are going to be all over you one day.”

What are the effects of sexual abuse?

Sexual abuse and trauma can leave lasting wounds that change the way the survivor experiences every area of life.

While every person is different and may experience a different set of effects, it is common for survivors to struggle with any or all of the behaviors or emotions listed below.

Behavioral Effects

• withdrawing or flinching from touch

• dissociation, or not feeling “present” in your body

• high pain tolerance

• self-mutilation

• eating disorders

• sleep disturbances

• denial of bodily needs

• isolation

• post-traumatic stress

• panic attacks

Emotional Effects

• guilt

• shame

• powerlessness

• helplessness

• fear

• anxiety

• depression

• self-blame

• dissatisfaction

• suicidal thoughts

Relational Effects

• idealizing

• excessive neediness

• overvaluing or devaluing others

• fear of commitment

• caretaking of others

• tolerance of abuse

What should I do if I have been sexually abused?

If you have been a victim of sexual abuse, you may carry hidden scars that need to be healed. We encourage you to take these steps.

1. Accept The Truth: If you have been abused, your life has been affected.

2. Realize the Danger: If you have unhealed wounds from past abuse, there is a risk of either repeating the abuse or being abused again.

3. Seek Help: You have the opportunity to heal from the past and find renewed freedom. Reach out and begin your healing journey today, not only for your own sake, but also for the benefit of those you love.

The path to recovery can seem overwhelming at first, but we are here to help! Our S.H.O.U.T. groups offer a Christ-centered recovery program for women who need healing from past sexual trauma. We believe that this safe, supportive environment will free you to begin your journey toward understanding and healing from past abuse.

If you identify with any of the forms of sexual abuse listed on this page and would like to talk to Dr. Christina, give her a call at 586-727-0674 or send her a message on our Contact page.